·C O N F E S S I O N ·
Something was eating away slowly inside of me right before Mars went into retrograde.
The shadows that have descended
Are ghouls who shriek －
You are not worthy of this
You are not good enough
I am often assailed by these critical voices and anxiety.
The critical voices chattered away
Killing me rapidly with egocentric ballast.
It is important for me to acknowledge these shadows.
I know them very well once upon a time
And I had let them break me down and ravage my skin and bones.
Not enough was the Modus Operandi.
I struggled. I flailed about when I reached out and was met with silence.
But in looking for external approval
The descent into misery will only spiral deeper, further into the abyss.
These critical voices stayed away when I sit with Tea.
In fear's lingering gaze Tea never faltered.
Master Lin says to let Tea purify me back to the beginning.
Tea purifies and amplifies the heart centre's electromagnetic field.
I continue to show up as the vessel for Tea Spirit, in empty rooms and a packed space alike, to serve and share and relish in this sweet taste of nothingness.
Hello precious beings, I have been fighting some dark nights of the soul these past weeks, so I apologise if I have reached out to you in my search for support. Despite all the blessings surrounding me I felt a slow-creeping fatigue continue to thicken and shroud me into oblivion. In this oblivion I got lost. Lost in the woods my voice was drowned out. Lost in the woods I desperately grasped for twigs and leaves, just to piece together a raft to bring me back to shore. I began to question everything I did. I led a double life where I was serving Tea and in another, bound in servile chains to scarcity and comparison.
But tonight, I decided once and for all that I am going to get out of my way. I'm going to stay in the hut in the mountains, unmoving, uncompromised, uncomplicated. I only have one intention and that intention is to serve. I must always remember. May you remember that you are a living loving creation of the Universe, here to beam your great co-creator light. ➰