Hi my name is LiYing. I am nearing the anniversary of the day I made a firm decision to recover from my eating disorders. In honour of this moment in my life, 4 years ago to this time in space, I am also releasing that version of me to allow new stories to begin.
I will say it and say it again. The day I started to heal was the day I acknowledged its existence. I could not skirt around it and feel its presence but never address it. I have had breakthroughs before with the help of hypnotherapy and my own self-studies of nutrition, alternative therapy and diets, but all of that did not help in bringing me fully to recovery. Life as an ED patient for over seven years had milestones of recovery dotted with relapses.
When I finally decided to go full on with my recovery, I allowed myself to surrender first. Upon surrendering I lived a year of seclusion because I was ashamed of my body, ashamed of how it bloated and held onto weight. I know now that this is my body healing in its own way, and through surrender I could fully embrace my body no matter how it looks or feels like.
This is the true breakthrough. No longer was my day hinged upon how much I have eaten or how my body appearance is.
※ I love myself, my body, no matter what. ※
It is such a simple pledge, but such a divinely guided and heart-opening one.
Ever since Tea found me, I have allowed Her to take me, to speak to me and embalm me with her calm and gently transcendental qualities. This allowance is important for any medicine, plant or sound or even words, to rake through the dirt and plant a seed to flower and nourish our souls. This is what it was like for the shamans. They understood that meditation and medicine were one and the same. Tea moves through me with grace. Gratitude for simply being alive keeps my ego in check, so I won't fall back into old ways.
I want you all to know you are loved, and you are forgiven. Your body is never punishing, always forgiving, so give your body a chance. Give yourself a chance to be truly happy, truly free. Sending you all so much love, light from the tendermost spot of my heart. 🙏🏻🧡🧡🙏🏻