I saw my grandmother.
I saw my younger self, barely twelve.
In my uniform, my hair straggly and my teeth wonky.
I feel so much love for this child, sweet innocence contained within her sparkling eyes.
Wonderment and fascinated with everything
She was ready to pursue her big dreams.
I saw my grandmother then
I heard her old player playing the Guan Yin Sutra on the altar
Replaying and replaying the same chant
As incense burnt to the ash.
I cried for the lost time
I cried for I never took a better look at her
I cried for I never had enough time to care for her
I was only carelessly wandering off into the future
And I lost the present
I will never be able to give her physical body a hug now.
I remember the same Guan Yin Sutra being played at her wake.
Or maybe that is just my memory playing tricks on me.
I still see her lying supine
A face of serenity powdered up and rouged by the trick of an expert hand
I still see her coffin moving into the furnace
Burnt to ash
As we all knelt on the cold marble floor and sobbed and cried.
Life is so incredibly fragile
I never want to go about wasting away in poverty consciousness
Tea reminds me
Tea flowed through and brought me to the child that was me
I gave her a hug and said, you are never alone. You are never going to be alone again. I love you.