I have always dreamt of becoming a writer. It has defined my being and my identity. When I receive rejections from agents and publishers, I only knew one thing, which is, to carry on. This leaks into my realities through blue ticks and sent and read messages that have not gotten a response. Slowly, I think I began to become anxious and phobic of group chats, of putting my untethered thoughts out into the world.
Not knowing what to expect, I deep dived into @pause_place's Circle of Love last evening. Here was what I wrote upon emerging: Tonight I realised that you do not need all the external approvals and awards and appraisals. What you need to write, is this heart, this heart and the bravery to see it break open. You don't lack anything. You already have success. You are there.
I learnt the power of earnestly looking everyone in the eye, scanning their faces with love and compassion, especially those ones who show up for their own quietude, their own practice, and who have decided to share that space with me. Instead of feeling shy and small I realised that even with a knowing that I am not a teacher but a student just like all of these people who are here with me, I can look into their eyes and acknowledge them fully with gratitude, grace and quiet confidence say, I see you. I. See. You. And even if I hold fear in my heart that I would be ignored or rejected, I can still come out and say, thank you for being here. Thank you for this moment. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for sharing my stories. Because that of what I feel is true and it is enough that only I know it to be true, regardless of what external reactions to it would be. I learnt this from Katie, who holds space so gracefully and takes the time to really °feel ° our presence in her delicious virtual circles of love. It is this soulful art of never taking any heart for granted that truly harnesses love in the world, without much need for words. And it is with this grace that I want to open up space for this growing community of people with whom I am sitting, with Tea Spirit's soft yet earnest gaze. Together we can discover our true selves, with the freedom to express our poetry.
PS: 'Thank you for 400! (And I know you are not bots). I see you, I honour and appreciate you. Thank you for being here. Thank you, beautiful beings with precious souls. I look forward to holding space for you. Beginning May 10, I will be hosting a Tea Circle on Zoom every Sunday at 1pm BST, called Sunday Six for the six bowls of Tea we shall take to truly feel the healing process of this plant medicine 🌿