I stumbled upon some words from once upon a time when I lived feeling broken. I didn't have any clue what loving myself even was. I wanted so bad to be loved. I was always perplexed by the way men would say everything and anything and then turn around and become cold pillars of ice. I remember the red hot passion and the subsequent iciness and stoic stares across spaces where I was never invited to go. I remember feeling it was all my fault － for not being good enough, ignorant, shameful of my looks, feeling like I needed to be kept away, and that was natural because that was the history of my life. All that love was parcelled up in secondhand books and names of authors I never heard before, a legacy he left in my hands and I have since transmuted into my own story. That love that was never there anyway, and was long gone even before I realised it. I wanted so much to save him, but I got it all wrong. Love isn't about saving someone. Love is meeting each other at a place where we each see each other as we are － not to save one another, not to mend and fix one another, but as a spiritual connection that lives in an embrace of light bodies and stars that come out to play in the night. And so I thank him for leaving. I thank these memories for creating the space that allowed me to emerge as a writer who writes from my heart and own my gifts. Most of all, I thank that young ignorant girl who gave her all. I thank her for falling in all her naive ways because she didn't want to face up to her own demons and so she took on someone else's demons and fought hard for him. Because she has loved and she knows love now is never about changing one's container to fit another's. And I love her so much. Never in an eternity am I ever going to abandon me again. If you are ready to open yourself up to limitless creativity, authentic power and deep self-love 🐅 I invite you, darling woman, to step up and open your heart ❤, liberate yourself from the past 🏹, and fully activate your highest potential. 💌 Apply for a free Heart-to-Heart ☎️👇🏻 or DM me and let's chat about alchemising your pain into creatrix magic. 💙 Link in my bio.
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©2020 by When Still Waters Speak.
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