🛑 The Bottomless Hunger. 🛑
I had felt perpetually famished when I first took a nosedive into ED recovery.
Whilst I know now that it is completely normal for the body to reset in refeed phases, at that time, because I was not equipped with the right information and education, I was infused with shame, guilt and fear.
I had panic attacks and I felt utterly horrified. I became even more embarrassed about myself and my body.
I didn't want to be seen eating.
I just wanted things to go back to how it was, where I knew exactly what I was doing, despite how secretive and tormenting being stuck in starvation and restriction was. I thought that was better because at least I knew what I was doing and felt "in control"!
😖 Needless to say, I had quickly relapsed and went on in this pattern for over ten years.
🌊 Now I know this to be a very common thing that keeps so many precious beings stuck in the loop of relapses too well, and I have made it one of the core teachings in my 6-month programme so stay with me here.
If this sounds like you, then you would want to read on so you can save yourself from some pain 👇🏻
🥀 understand that every body is different and that YOUR body is f*cking unique
🥀 your body is famished. It needs to be nourished. Imagine a tank that has been running low for so long － it takes a lot more to fill up and run smoothly. It may take time to recalibrate and it may choke up or cough up some fumes. Understanding this and remaining calm and non-judgemental － and most of all, patient and self-compassionate － can help build the bridge from where you are now and where you want to go.
🥀 the way to setting you free from the cycle of disordered eating is to have the food that you want to the extent of satisfaction. Yes it may FEEL like you're eating "a lot"; yes, it may FEEL shocking to the mind that you are eating "bad" food, but this is a highly effective way that I found myself to be the quickest way to show the mind that it is okay and that the world is not going to end just because you had a no-no