I have been told so many times, in so many ways, that I am not good enough. When your belief system is built on the approval of others, on the affectionate displays from people you care about, and when that oil-slicked machine (or so you thought) catches in a jam, you start to think that the entire empire you have painstakingly built is coming apart. You start to pick yourself apart, thinking this is never enough. YOU are not good enough. This rancour could ultimately lead to your self-destruction – and it did for me. 🍃 Moving away from the pit of the fire physically can be a salvation for the soul. In a new city you can build a new life, forge a new identity. Make new friends, open new doors. I lived in a glass castle, looking out from within, afraid of daylight and human touch. But when I timidly stuck out my fingers, I got scorched and burnt by vagabonds and enchanting falsettos rising from the grounds of this glass tower in which I have locked myself.
🍃 And then I surrendered. The Universe wiped the tears off my cheeks and turned them into constellations on the Orion's Belt. The cosmos were singing out for me to believe, believe, believe. Believe that I am worthy of love. Believe that happiness is indeed, every living being's god given birthright. That life is so transient, so impermanent that sometimes I don't even know why I care so much about what others think of me. Sometimes I am so in my head that I forget and lash out in my penned up frustration.
🍃 This body of mine will age, but Tea is my lifelong teacher. These bruises they teach me to be stronger. When they heal these scars teach me to be more compassionate and understanding. These tear tracks will evaporate from my skin and turn into clouds in the sky, and with every turn of the Way I take with the Tea Spirit now I know, deep down always, I know, that it's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to call a timeout if you want one. It's okay to not know. It's okay to not live up to their expectations if that's making you miserable as hell.
🍃 It's okay. It's okay to hear me. See me, when I am not okay. Because I have always been here, right inside of me. It's okay to leave the dust of the world behind.