REAL TALK 💙 How to stop waiting until "you've got it" to do what you truly desire 💙
When I think back to the times before I got to this here and now, I remember the things that felt as real as they are here now.
When I was earning £11 on donation basis for my ceremonies, wondering how I could make ends meet.
When I was all stressed out about all the SHOULDS thrown my way by my loved ones, in the name of love.
Times when I doubted I could make it any further with this work because it seemed like no one could hear me or see me.
Then the times when I took a giant leap and invested in surrounding myself with people who took leaps too, and the floodgates opened.
Times when I totally felt like a queen and nothing could faze me because the truth of my sacred work engulfed my smallness and fears.
The clients came and my illusions were all falling off. I can actually make this work!
The times when I sat on the floor in front of my laptop screen, silently holding space for my clients' tears.
The times when my heart burst with light as I witnessed their expressions and energies transform from victim to victory.
The cold in my living room when the nights grew longer and I had to rely on my moon-shaped lamp to illuminate the space where I had bowls and bowls of hot Tea in ceremony.
And of course, along the way, the dissent, the upset with me of where I could not meet someone's expectations, the ones who drop away saying I am not enough...
"You're not extroverted enough... go start DMing them for a chat."
"No, you're not doing it right. Here's how you should do it."
"You waffle in such abstraction people don't get you."
"It is so hard to tell exactly what you do. What do you do again?!"
"You have to go out and network and interact."
"You should do the latest trendy thing so you can attract more clients."
"Instagram doesn't like long captions."
"Dance on TikTok. That will sell."
"Sell, sell, sell. Do, do, do."
OH FUDGE. WOMAN.
What is left of me to unpick anymore?
Can I hold the old paradigm alongside my desired reality?
In stillness, I find my authentic voice again.
In untangling from my subconscious dissonance, I hold my dreams to the light.
In embracing something greater than my primal instinct to survive, I reclaim my creatrix power and align with freedom.
Freedom that is created.
I am always going to be lyrically wreathing words upon words.
I'm always going to get excited about the littlest things.