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In my quest to serve beings who are mired in eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia), food addictions and disordered eating, I found myself coming up with the same question again and again:
"How do you overcome the fear of weight gain?"
Well, let me take you through my own journey to full recovery after struggling for ten years with relapses.
October 2016: When I finally decided to go full on with my recovery, I allowed myself to surrender first. Now I must admit that at this stage I was terrified － terrified － of how fat I was going to become.
But here I was, and I was committed this time to do this. Once. And. For. All.
Upon surrendering I lived a year of seclusion because I was ashamed of my body, ashamed of how it bloated and held onto weight. I know now that this is my body healing in its own way, and through surrender I can fully embrace my body no matter how it looks or feels like.
This was the first realisation that released me from this self-imposed prison sentence. No longer was my day hinged upon how much I have eaten or how my body appearance is.
I love myself, my body, no matter what. It is such a simple pledge, but such a divinely guided and heart-opening one.
Since then, I have tried everything that could possibly inch me a step closer to my recovery:
〰️ Spiritual healers and teachers
〰️ Sound healing, gong baths, floatation tanks
〰️ Solo retreats and residencies
All the soul-searching were not for naught. They laid the foundation for me to step up to the mirror to really look at myself and look deeper within.
➰ what I have learnt out of all these is that you won't fully break through the haze of an eating disorder mindset until you come to fully embrace your body, loving your body on good and bad days equally.
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I decided to post two photos, one of which makes me look like I have a tummy (newsflash: of course I do, and on odd days looking bigger than on other) because I want you to know that this is how it is like to love your body from all angles. No more hiding.
〰️ I am looking to work with three beautiful beings who are ready to go full on with their recovery. If this sounds like you, get in touch. I'd love to chat!