· What nobody is telling you about your disordered eating ·
The fear of weight gain is not about the weight gain.
For me, it was a sense of control that I gained from controlling my body and food.
When I was in the deep trenches of recovering from anorexia, I was so ashamed by my body in recovery mode (all of those things that it had to go through － hormonal changes, night sweats, weight gain, eating a lot more than I was ever used to for so long).
But I was sick of feeling trapped by this fear of eating. I was sick of being afraid for the rest of my life － and afraid of food at that.
Life is to be lived and life is full of moments when I could have chosen to enjoy it, rather than keeping myself so small.
The major milestone for my first steps in recovery was to break out of my old mentality by doing things that my ego doesn't see as "normal".
There is no normal.
No normal way of eating.
No normal way of looking.
No normal way of thinking.
No normal way of being.
And no, there is no normal anorexic weight or look, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution to disordered eating and eating disorders.
No, eating something again does not mean that the disorder has gone away when your mindset is still very much about losing weight and dieting.
You have to step into your home － your body － and call the shots. You decide what to hang on the walls of your skin. You decide what with which to paint your flesh. You decide how you can begin to rewrite your past and do all the repair works for a home that is yours and yours alone. You call the shots.
You know this.
Now go be you.
And no, just because it is normalised in our culture and society, it does not make disordered eating or dieting a normal way to live.
Because you are bloody unique, that is why.
Because inside each one of us, we have this inner compass, this thing we call the intuition, who tells us what the body wants.
And you might be thinking, what if I don't know what's best for my body? Look at my uncle with lung cancer who smoked himself to his grave anyway!
Well, I have news for you.
When you are in touch with your Self; when you are willing to sit with your shadow and discomfort in compassion; when you are consistently tuning into your body as a retrospective observer, you can be sure to be acting from a space that serves you in the fullest and most loving manner.
It is not a linear journey, but a spiral of continuous nurturing and nourishment. Self-cultivation never ends. That is the beauty of being alive. There are no failures only lessons now when you embark on this path.
When you cede your body's signals and signs to calorie counters and BMIs and all sorts of health advice, that inner voice is drowned out by the excess of information that is not yours.
There is nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself.
🌟 Please know that you do not need to be at the brink of a hospital bed to seek for help to heal your relationship with food and your body.
Because this is the ultimate question: how do you want to live out the rest of your life?
To learn more you can grab a free resource and join the private facebook group The Sacred Way To Body Acceptance: A Space To Be Free Of Disordered Eating, or simply experience the Sacred Circle － the next one is on February 28 at 12pm GMT.
If it all feels aligned you can book in a free 1-hour Share and Heal Session with me to see if we are a good fit.
🕊🤍 Link in bio 🤍🕊