The Way of Tea was the integral piece to the jigsaw puzzle that was my ED recovery.
When I was consumed by anorexia, I had no time.
I was constantly rushing around.
I would squeeze in every minute I had got just to get in that workout to burn as much calories as I can (little did I know it didn't work that way － more on that another day).
Even when I was with my friends, I was busy.
My head was overwhelmed with thoughts on when to eat and how hungry I was － as well as how "good" and how "rewarding" it would be if I could "just sit out of eating this round".
I was losing time and connection as I continued to deny my own Presence.
I would hide away from social events, or choose to sit on my own.
I told myself that I was perfectly fine, and in fact, better off alone.
This might sound strange but deep down, all I had ever wanted was to be applauded, to be acknowledged, to be seen.
Even though I was spending all my time disappearing, I had so desperately wanted to be remembered.
For something. Something memorable. I wanted to strike a chord.
And yet, the reality was, my eating disorder was preventing me from doing all of that.
Because －
I was never there.
I was never present for connections to be forged.
I was never entirely honest.
I was not giving into vulnerability. I thought I was good when I was tough.
And so when I crossed paths with Tea on my recovery journey, I knew this was the final piece to the puzzle I was looking for.
I finally understand that there is something so sacred in every moment we draw breath and exhale.
I finally understand that it is not the successes that make us － it is the infinitesimal moments, the tiniest gesture and simplest things that we all remember.
I finally am present to the now. I am no longer chasing and rushing off to another place another me another person.
I can finally sit in stillness and feel the presence of calm joy within me.
It is here. It is here already. It is always here.
·.·
Whoever stuck out with me, thank you a million times because you are such a champ for going along with my crazy mood swings and strange eating habits. For not ever giving up on me and seeing through the layers and layers of oddity and armour I had on me at the time.
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There are spaces available for anybody who feels called to join the next Sacred Circle on February 28, 12pm GMT. You can join via Eventbrite or become a member of the private facebook group The Sacred Way To Body Acceptance: A Space To Be Free Of Disordered Eating and partake in every Circle for free.
This Circle is open to all who seek to mend their relationship with food and their bodies, and to remember Your Body Is The Home For Your Spirit.
Know that your existence is a treasure. Know that this experience with your body now is your gift.
Recovery is sloppy, but it doesn't mean it is impossible. It means this is your sacred moment to step into that expansive space of your soul that lives right there in the vast Universe of so many unknowns.
It means this is your time to learn to let go and truly live a life that is free.
Know that there is no pressure to speak or share. You can simply come and be witnessed, be held and be part of an open non-judgmental space, shared by beings on a similar journey.
If you miss this one, there are also March dates open for registration now.
🕊🤍 I am unconventional but I can guarantee you that we can alchemise this into a true superpower, a gift of life, when you are willing to sit with your shadow and pain. I love you. Holding you, seeing you 🤍🕊
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